March 21st 2020 - Pandemic Declared

I don't know what I am supposed to be __.  Fill in the blank: doing, feeling, thinking, saying.

I just keep moving through each moment as best as I can. I find myself mentally going through the food in my cupboards doing inventory, taking stock of what I have. Congratulations to self for buying that hand held bidet attachment for the toilet. I'm doing laundry, taking walks. I wish I had a dog but am grateful I don't. How would I feed it, if things get worse? Wiping down the counters, door knobs, and switches with bleach water. 

I made a tuna macaroni salad because I had the ingredients and it's something I can keep in the fridge.
I have 4 bars of hand soap under the sink. Would they let you walk your dog if they lock everything down?   

How would I like things to be remade if the world is turned on its head by this Pandemic?

I'm thinking about it right now. . . 

I will be able to hug.
I will have a place to live, food, safety.
I will be able to trust that my neighbor is my friend. 

Surrendering to the Flow- How My Greatest Fear Became My Blessing.

Some time back, I posted an update about returning from India, my struggle with fear, and the challenges of returning to the States owning only a carry-on suite case filled with ethnic Indian clothing. After that post, there was a long break where I didn't have it in me to write. Today I feel the urge to talk about that space of time.

In the year since our return we have experienced many challenges and many blessings.  On the "Challenge" side, I spoke of being reliant on family for support, as we searched for jobs and took action to build new lives. We were greatly blessed in that I have a generous aunt who happened to need a house sitter over the winter. Which was how Source met our needs for housing last year. From November 2018, until mid June 2019, we stayed in her home as house sitters. It was during that time I wrote the blog Reaching For Improved Thoughts, which expressed the crushing weight of fear I was grappling under.  Writing the blog helped me gather strength and re-frame my perspective in the light of the spiritual work I am doing. I guess this blog is about sharing the success I've had when reaching for improved thoughts and surrendering to the flow. During that time of blog-silence, I have learned that even when we experience our worst fears we do not have to suffer.

Source will assemble all the willing components for our benefit. 

Our job is to allow . . . Source to work magic.

Sometimes our worst fear coming true puts us into alignment for our blessings. I say that because in June and July my husband and I experienced homelessness (the thing I was most afraid of) after we willingly left the shelter of my aunt's support. Although she would have allowed us to stay longer, our presence in her home beyond the agreed upon length of stay would have created hardship for her. We chose to surrender to the flow, to willingly exit at the agreed upon time. We had no idea how long we would be homeless.  We only had our commitment to the belief in Source as generous provider, working on our behalf; even though we couldn't imagine how things would unfold or what the most beneficial outcome would look like.

We had not been able to secure permanent full time employment. I was working a part-time job but other than that the only headway we'd made was in securing a car, car insurance, and assistance through the MDHS Bridges program for food stamps.  Still, rather than cling to my aunt for continued support, we moved out into the unknown and trusted Source to provide for our needs. Turns out that was the best thing we could have done. We took our car, with the camp gear (tent, air mattress, Coleman stove) that we had recovered from a friend, got a camp site at Sleepy Hollow State Park and settled in.

As for being homeless, it was as easy a time of homelessness anyone ever spent. We treated each day like a camp vacation, encouraging each other in seeking those "best thoughts," and in so doing my deepest fear (homelessness) turned into a huge blessing.

You see, BECAUSE we had no home address, when I applied for low-income housing we found ourselves bumped to the top of a 5 year waiting list for the apartment we are now occupying. Had I used my aunt's address when filling out the application we would have been left waiting. 

As if further evidence were needed that Source will provide; our apartment is placed within walking distance of my husband's new job. Irfan has been able to find work as a substitute teacher, in one of the best school districts in Mid-MI. There are 4 schools to rotate between, clustered within blocks of our apartment. The kids (and their parents) are engaged in learning and responsive. He is loving it, and I am able to continue working part time without stress.

Today, I sit, warm, and cozy in beautiful DeWitt MI; while outside the world is covered in ice and snow.  I have everything I need with enough to share, and to spare.

Without our pushing (or even our awareness,) Source placed us in a location that meets all of our wish-list desires: a large apartment, in a well maintained pet-friendly facility --next to a dog park, within easy access to walking trails, goods and services, a nature preserve, with short travel times to nearly every side of the greater Lansing area. I could go on, but you get the point. We couldn't have planned our way into a better situation. Source assembled all of the desired components. It was only our willingness to surrender control over the "how" which opened the doors, allowing the blessings to flow in.

I live in amazed gratitude.

Gloom Be Gone! Shifting Out of Depression One Day at a Time.

Many, if not all, of us have Facebook friends who constantly complain about their lives, health, exes; who make negative or critical posts, and dour comments, or always seem to be focusing on some source of pain in the world. Well, I have been there, chronically depressed and anxiety ridden, experiencing panic attacks, engaging in self harming behaviors. I have been stuck in gloom to the point where I just wanted OUT, out of life.

That began to change when I watched a movie called What the Bleep Do We Know.
Here is a clip from that movie which helped me understand that I could start to make the shift out of gloom and into emotional health and mental well-being.

It was in watching this movie, I began to realize my responsibility in creating the negative state of my existence.  I was addicted to and fostering a negative mindset and emotional state of being, and in doing so attracting more negative situations to feed my addiction to negative emotions. After all, I am the one choosing to believe the thoughts I'm thinking, choosing how to react to the various circumstances of life. I am the one choosing to obsess, to be offended or irritated, to personalize and otherwise absorb the negative encountered. I was the person looking in the mirror and hissing hateful self criticisms. Yes, I experienced bullying as a child. I've had hateful things said and done to me.  I have been abused by others. But, through all of that, I also have had a choice in how to respond and in what I would believe. Through the movie, I learned that cells recreate themselves based on the chemical composition of their parent cell and that when I foster negative thoughts I keep my body in a state of growing chemical imbalance.

The second big influence on my emotional well-being came through the work of Ester and Jerry Hicks, The Law Of Attraction, and the teachings of Abraham, where I learned about how to use my emotions as a compass --indicating how far in or out of alignment with Source my thoughts are based on the level of negative charge my emotional state of being has in any given situation.

For some time now, I have been making an internal shift away from a negative emotional "set point." In fact, making this shift has been something I've been working on with focused intent for several years and is the main reason I didn't write much about my stay in India while I was there. 

If you are unfamiliar with the terminology "set point," I'm referring to what the teachings of Abraham describe as one's habitual mental and emotional state of being, or frequency of vibration. The key word being HABITUAL. Our "set point" is the most practiced mental/emotional state-of-being or response we offer the world. It is where we are most comfortable emotionally and mentally, our "go to" most practiced habitual hang out frequency, our main vibe. For most people their "set point" has become a huge part or expression of their self concept or personal identity, their ego-- when they identify who they are with having essentially practiced a characteristically negative emotional set point. 

It has taken me years of actively choosing to foster healthier thoughts to shift my habitual responses away from negative and self destructive patterns. Part of the reason for the long journey was that I had to find my way with little or no guidance. Thank Source for others on the same path who have lit the way, offering their own experiences and wisdom. In that time, I've had to develop patience with myself, to have compassion for my failures, and to forgive past behaviors that I am not particularly proud of. I can share with you there is immense relief to be found through every stage and aspect of making this shift. Gradually, one day at a time, I have grown out of gloom and into a state of peace with life. My emotional set point is no longer one of anger and self loathing. I find happiness everywhere. True, life still has its ups and downs but now that I am discerning about my emotional "set point," and taking charge of how I'm creating through attraction, I spend more of my life in joy and I invite you to do the same.

This card, drawn from the Money, and the Law of Attraction Cards, has been helpful in guiding me to a better state of well-being and receptivity. I hope it can help you too.

In My Appreciation I allow Myself to Receive Wonderful Things . . .

The best way to accomplish and improved environment is to focus upon the best things about where you currently are until you flood your own vibrational patterns of thought with appreciation; and in that change the vibration, you can then allow the new-and-improved conditions and circumstances to come into your experience. 
Look for good things about where you are, and in your state of appreciation, you lift all self-imposed limitations (and all limitations are self-imposed) and free yourself for the receiving of wonderful things.