Surrendering to the Flow- How My Greatest Fear Became My Blessing.

Some time back, I posted an update about returning from India, my struggle with fear, and the challenges of returning to the States owning only a carry-on suite case filled with ethnic Indian clothing. After that post, there was a long break where I didn't have it in me to write. Today I feel the urge to talk about that space of time.

In the year since our return we have experienced many challenges and many blessings.  On the "Challenge" side, I spoke of being reliant on family for support, as we searched for jobs and took action to build new lives. We were greatly blessed in that I have a generous aunt who happened to need a house sitter over the winter. Which was how Source met our needs for housing last year. From November 2018, until mid June 2019, we stayed in her home as house sitters. It was during that time I wrote the blog Reaching For Improved Thoughts, which expressed the crushing weight of fear I was grappling under.  Writing the blog helped me gather strength and re-frame my perspective in the light of the spiritual work I am doing. I guess this blog is about sharing the success I've had when reaching for improved thoughts and surrendering to the flow. During that time of blog-silence, I have learned that even when we experience our worst fears we do not have to suffer.

Source will assemble all the willing components for our benefit. 

Our job is to allow . . . Source to work magic.

Sometimes our worst fear coming true puts us into alignment for our blessings. I say that because in June and July my husband and I experienced homelessness (the thing I was most afraid of) after we willingly left the shelter of my aunt's support. Although she would have allowed us to stay longer, our presence in her home beyond the agreed upon length of stay would have created hardship for her. We chose to surrender to the flow, to willingly exit at the agreed upon time. We had no idea how long we would be homeless.  We only had our commitment to the belief in Source as generous provider, working on our behalf; even though we couldn't imagine how things would unfold or what the most beneficial outcome would look like.

We had not been able to secure permanent full time employment. I was working a part-time job but other than that the only headway we'd made was in securing a car, car insurance, and assistance through the MDHS Bridges program for food stamps.  Still, rather than cling to my aunt for continued support, we moved out into the unknown and trusted Source to provide for our needs. Turns out that was the best thing we could have done. We took our car, with the camp gear (tent, air mattress, Coleman stove) that we had recovered from a friend, got a camp site at Sleepy Hollow State Park and settled in.

As for being homeless, it was as easy a time of homelessness anyone ever spent. We treated each day like a camp vacation, encouraging each other in seeking those "best thoughts," and in so doing my deepest fear (homelessness) turned into a huge blessing.

You see, BECAUSE we had no home address, when I applied for low-income housing we found ourselves bumped to the top of a 5 year waiting list for the apartment we are now occupying. Had I used my aunt's address when filling out the application we would have been left waiting. 

As if further evidence were needed that Source will provide; our apartment is placed within walking distance of my husband's new job. Irfan has been able to find work as a substitute teacher, in one of the best school districts in Mid-MI. There are 4 schools to rotate between, clustered within blocks of our apartment. The kids (and their parents) are engaged in learning and responsive. He is loving it, and I am able to continue working part time without stress.

Today, I sit, warm, and cozy in beautiful DeWitt MI; while outside the world is covered in ice and snow.  I have everything I need with enough to share, and to spare.

Without our pushing (or even our awareness,) Source placed us in a location that meets all of our wish-list desires: a large apartment, in a well maintained pet-friendly facility --next to a dog park, within easy access to walking trails, goods and services, a nature preserve, with short travel times to nearly every side of the greater Lansing area. I could go on, but you get the point. We couldn't have planned our way into a better situation. Source assembled all of the desired components. It was only our willingness to surrender control over the "how" which opened the doors, allowing the blessings to flow in.

I live in amazed gratitude.

Gloom Be Gone! Shifting Out of Depression One Day at a Time.

Many, if not all, of us have Facebook friends who constantly complain about their lives, health, exes; who make negative or critical posts, and dour comments, or always seem to be focusing on some source of pain in the world. Well, I have been there, chronically depressed and anxiety ridden, experiencing panic attacks, engaging in self harming behaviors. I have been stuck in gloom to the point where I just wanted OUT, out of life.

That began to change when I watched a movie called What the Bleep Do We Know.
Here is a clip from that movie which helped me understand that I could start to make the shift out of gloom and into emotional health and mental well-being.

It was in watching this movie, I began to realize my responsibility in creating the negative state of my existence.  I was addicted to and fostering a negative mindset and emotional state of being, and in doing so attracting more negative situations to feed my addiction to negative emotions. After all, I am the one choosing to believe the thoughts I'm thinking, choosing how to react to the various circumstances of life. I am the one choosing to obsess, to be offended or irritated, to personalize and otherwise absorb the negative encountered. I was the person looking in the mirror and hissing hateful self criticisms. Yes, I experienced bullying as a child. I've had hateful things said and done to me.  I have been abused by others. But, through all of that, I also have had a choice in how to respond and in what I would believe. Through the movie, I learned that cells recreate themselves based on the chemical composition of their parent cell and that when I foster negative thoughts I keep my body in a state of growing chemical imbalance.

The second big influence on my emotional well-being came through the work of Ester and Jerry Hicks, The Law Of Attraction, and the teachings of Abraham, where I learned about how to use my emotions as a compass --indicating how far in or out of alignment with Source my thoughts are based on the level of negative charge my emotional state of being has in any given situation.

For some time now, I have been making an internal shift away from a negative emotional "set point." In fact, making this shift has been something I've been working on with focused intent for several years and is the main reason I didn't write much about my stay in India while I was there. 

If you are unfamiliar with the terminology "set point," I'm referring to what the teachings of Abraham describe as one's habitual mental and emotional state of being, or frequency of vibration. The key word being HABITUAL. Our "set point" is the most practiced mental/emotional state-of-being or response we offer the world. It is where we are most comfortable emotionally and mentally, our "go to" most practiced habitual hang out frequency, our main vibe. For most people their "set point" has become a huge part or expression of their self concept or personal identity, their ego-- when they identify who they are with having essentially practiced a characteristically negative emotional set point. 

It has taken me years of actively choosing to foster healthier thoughts to shift my habitual responses away from negative and self destructive patterns. Part of the reason for the long journey was that I had to find my way with little or no guidance. Thank Source for others on the same path who have lit the way, offering their own experiences and wisdom. In that time, I've had to develop patience with myself, to have compassion for my failures, and to forgive past behaviors that I am not particularly proud of. I can share with you there is immense relief to be found through every stage and aspect of making this shift. Gradually, one day at a time, I have grown out of gloom and into a state of peace with life. My emotional set point is no longer one of anger and self loathing. I find happiness everywhere. True, life still has its ups and downs but now that I am discerning about my emotional "set point," and taking charge of how I'm creating through attraction, I spend more of my life in joy and I invite you to do the same.

This card, drawn from the Money, and the Law of Attraction Cards, has been helpful in guiding me to a better state of well-being and receptivity. I hope it can help you too.

In My Appreciation I allow Myself to Receive Wonderful Things . . .

The best way to accomplish and improved environment is to focus upon the best things about where you currently are until you flood your own vibrational patterns of thought with appreciation; and in that change the vibration, you can then allow the new-and-improved conditions and circumstances to come into your experience. 
Look for good things about where you are, and in your state of appreciation, you lift all self-imposed limitations (and all limitations are self-imposed) and free yourself for the receiving of wonderful things.

Reaching For Improved Thoughts

"What Is" Can Be Frightening 

Take for example my present situation, recently returned from India to the USA, with everything I own fitting in a carry-on suitcase, no job, no money, and no prospects to start life over with.

At the moment the hardest thing I am coping with is being reliant on my family for assistance and support. They have been wonderful but, the pressure to find employment is immense.  In my worst moments I am a terrified gibbering mess.

What is that Frank Herbert quote from Dune?

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration."

Looking for Relief 

Many mornings I wake from a night terror in which I am homeless, because I haven't been able to find work. I don't remember much of the dreams, but I know that the fear is still with me when I opened my eyes. The urgency to be working is so powerful a motivator it has been consuming all of my thoughts and efforts.

Keeping a positive attitude is proving difficult. This has been a tough year and my confidence has been badly shaken by the unhappy experience of going to India and not being able to succeed in making a life there.

I keep reminding myself that Source is my generous provider. I only have to look at the many great and surprising things which came together to bring us home in order to find evidence of it.  I can't be anything but gratefully amazed. 

I Reach for an Improved Thought

The card I pulled today, from my Getting Into the Vortex deck, reads . . .

I Can Find Harmony by Feeling For Improved Thoughts.  

If we were contemplating an action that caused negative emotion, we would not proceed with the action until we had resolved the negative emotion. We would make sure that we had come into alignment with Source before proceeding. By feeling for the improved thought, in time, and usually in a short time, you will feel the harmony of your Source; and you will know the appropriateness of your behavior. we would not look for the long lists of right and wrong, but instead, we would feel for the emotion of alignment with Source.

Today My Best Effort Is In Reaching For Improved Thoughts  

I Am Safe.
Source is my generous provider.
I have everything that I need with enough to share and to spare.
Good health is my divine right.
I Am Safe.

The Cave: Going Within

Escaping the Noise

The demands of life in today's society place enormous pressure on all of us. Finding a moment away from the constant noise of traffic, advertisements, television and the urgency of every day concerns seems impossible. Friends and loved ones need us. There are bills to be paid, projects to finish. The babble is deafening! This myriad of distractions creates a cacophony of sensations that overload our receptors, desensitizing us to the voice of our creative being and Spirit.
Don't beat yourself up if you find yourself in need of "Me" time or for feeling the need to withdraw from others into the seclusion of your own private cave. Going into the cave physically or metaphorically is an important and life affirming act. Before you can find new direction you need to take time for reflection and self awareness. Winter is traditionally the time associated with going inward and self contemplation. As winter draws to its close and we often look forward to spring with restlessness and a desire to renew ourselves. Gifting yourself a period of reflection offers great benefit.

The Cave

Symbolically, the cave represents isolation, contemplation and a gathering of resources needed to face future challenges. The silence of the cave affords us an opportunity to regain our center and to ground the overflow of stresses which otherwise lead to anxiety and depression. Knowing yourself and listening deeply to the promptings of your inner voice is essential to making healthy life choices. When we fail to honor time spent alone, secluded from outside influences and demands, our spirit suffers. Desensitized and disconnected, the choices we make are not genuine to our soul expression and the sublimated urging of our authentic self will manifest in unhealthy attitudes, behaviors, and as illnesses. We become destructive, lashing out at the forces that bind us. Anger turns inward where it becomes self-loathing. We find ourselves sabotaging relationships. Our desires go unfulfilled.

Time spent in silence and contemplation may at first seem uncomfortable and challenging but the experience is healing. By turning inward and seeking the solace of isolation, energies spent in fruitless action pool internally, coalescing, focusing to recharge our mental, physical and spiritual batteries. Listening to and questioning that part of our self which remains hidden behind a social mask, will reconnect us with hopes and dreams we've buried, freeing us to gather resources, hone talents and prepare to face the rigors and challenges ahead. Often answers found within the cave reveal hidden and unexpected jewels of creativity or personal insight, opening the door to authentic self expression and deeper relationships.

A Womb Of Self Discovery

Going into the cave requires more than shutting out the intrusive demands of others, it asks that you remove yourself from the flood of outside information bombarding you. Try turning off the TV and radio. Resist popping in a DVD and "vegging" out with a bowl of popcorn. Put down the novel and separate yourself for a time from the voices of other people's creativity. Make a journal entry. Spill you guts onto the page. Paint a picture. Use your child's mud like finger paints. Go for a walk in the woods or sit on the porch and simply watch the world move around you. Observe the thoughts inside your head without criticism. Take time to be alone with yourself as a friend, listening.

Marvelous things happen in the cave; Spirit speaks, lessons are absorbed or learned. Hibernation, germination, and reflection are essential to growth and connection with the divine and they happen in the womb of the cave. The cave is your cocoon and in it your infant self develops adult organs, undergoing complete metamorphosis. Take time to know yourself and to transform. Free yourself to embrace this stage of your development. Enter the cave with trust and at peace, knowing that you will emerge from it renewed and inspired.